


Love

by Pinkpony28



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 06:10:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10565241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkpony28/pseuds/Pinkpony28
Summary: Just a rant about love and what scares me about it. There is cussing. There isn't much but it's there.





	

Okay, love. Something that most people feel. Now I just came back from a dance. I don't know why but I just feel empty from it. I mean I had fun and all that but something in me just feels empty. Now I'm only in 7th grade, as of 4/7/17, and I shouldn't really be worrying about all this stuff with love. But I do. Now it's not that I'm boy crazy or anything but I just have a lot of crushes. I'm pansexual so that that doesn't help either. Now it's not like because I'm going through puberty that this is a problem, I've always been this way. I guess that I just have too much love to give. It hurts really. A lot of people talk about how love is this thing that is amazing and magical. I've come to not think this way. I've come to think of love as this thing that hurts and hurts a lot.

It's fine when you're in like elementary school and 6th grade because you don't really know what love is, but I've always just been the type of person that loves other people romantically. This also isn't the hormones because if they were then I'd think about having a more sexual thing with them and just having them there. The thing is that I just enjoy their presence. Being in the same room is something that I love. I want to just cuddle up with them on the couch or bed and just be in each other's presence. I just love being around them. The thing is that it's multiple people and it fucking sucks. I've had interactions with every single one of these people so it's not like "love at first sight." I don't believe in that anyways.   
The other bad thing about it is that I'm an extremely jealous person. I have like some of the worst mixes for these things. I hate just the idea of one of my crushes talking to some other girl/guy. It's mainly because I quite easily fall in love and my brain won't realize that most people aren't like that. Another thing with my love is that it starts off pretty shallow. There haven't been many people that I haven't liked at all now that I think about it, I kind of just like everyone on a basic line. Okay, with my love it starts off shallow but as I get to know the person more and hang around them more it turns deeper and becomes harder to forget. There's one person that my crush on them is so deep in me that I don't know if I can forget about them once we have to part, because I know that's going to happen. I mean love never really seems to work out for me, but then again it's only 7th grade and I can't really expect much of anything from relationships in this grade or really any as I'm still in school.

I just feel like confessing all of this is really a bad idea but meh. Okay another thing is that I'm not very feminine. Sure it's not like it's the 1900s but I just feel that it would be a whole lot better if I was more ladylike. A lot of the people that I like like the more popular girls who are athletic and more feminine. The thing is that I'm actually really girly but I just like other styles and haven't really gotten out of that faze of hitting people when I like them. Jesus I'm a fucking wreck. Like I don't know why but I just have the idea that if I was a lot more feminine, at least on the outside, then I would actually have a chance at some of my crushes liking me back. Like fuck me and my life. I don't even know why I think that way but I just do.

God I'm really tired. The dance was actually tiring and I really want to fall asleep right now but I just want to get all of this off of my chest. The other thing is that I also don't have much of anything to talk about. I need to just be in a certain emotion when writing these so sorry that it's short. I just don't really want to think about this or any of it. I fucking hate this god damn feeling. I just want it to stop.


End file.
